Sometimes it’s not rain, but a storm

Once friends of ours tried to get home from Tenerife and what would usually have taken the better part of a day, took over three.  I attended a wonderful women’s conference at the beginning of the month and my train was cancelled, so I arrived two hours late and rather tired and stressed.  At this very moment in southern California there are raging fires at this very moment and a good downpour would be very welcome in their case.  Is it “raining (or storming) on your parade”?  Tough times?  It happens sometimes, and it’s usually not the weather’s fault.  Today I want to address negativity – and raining on other people’s parades.

When it rains…Others’ Jealousy and Tantrums- the MEGA of negativity

Sometimes other people rain on our parade.  Those same people also rain on other people’s parades, most likely.  Recently I have been noticing this phenomenon in my life, in my friends and neighbors’ lives, and especially in the social media and news.  Jealousy.  Tantrums.  Negativity is rampant.  This kind of “raining” has become quite prevalent.  I think we, you and I, should put a stop to it, at least as much as we have power over it.  Hopefully we don’t try to reciprocate and work from a place of love and benevolence.

Let’s look at one reason for such negativity, and then suggest a way to “put up your umbrella in protection” when you get rained on, and finally let me encourage you not to rain on others’ parades.

The Why? 

One reason could be- Jealousy

Maybe you are doing well, maybe you are even doing really great; it’s our human condition that other people who are not doing as well may want to rain on your parade.  Why? – maybe because of jealousy.  Or perhaps they are feeling so bad about (their life) that any sort of positive movement or attention given to others makes them angry and resentful.  This kind of negative activity, whether it is talking about you behind your back, trolling, telling false stories about you to your boss, or whining about you to the press/social media so someone else writes (or writing themself), is really very bad behavior on their part. But it truly has nothing to do with you – or your success.  It’s really more about them as people and where they are at at this particular moment.  It is about those people and their attitudes and self-esteem and insecurities.  They are in a very bad place and perhaps even want others to “join them” to feel like they have company.

What can you do?  Put up your umbrella!

How do I put up and use my “umbrella” to protect me?  I call it an umbrella rule, and it’S from Brené Brown. The “rule” Brené Brown uses is this:  only people actually getting out there and trying get ahead with you are allowed to tell you anything about your work and life, and of those people, only the (very) few you can trust should be taken seriously- so, make your list.  

You alone get to make that list of people who are on your side and all the others “don’t count” so you don’t have to listen to them.  You can even, like Brené, write down that list and put it in your pocket, briefcase, backpack, wallet or handbag.  

So, think about those who you are going to put on your list, write it down, and then ignore all others, those rain-makers.  If you have to, go off-line for a while.  Don’t read the (local or internationsal) newspaper, if it helps.  Do whatever you have to do to put up that umbrella and use it until that storm passes. Then, of course, practice some self-care that works for you.

Finally, make sure you are not raining on others’ parades.  Instead, celebrate with them!

It is important to recognize and celebrate success, whether it is ours or others’.  We need to do (and hopefully naturally do) that for ourselves and friends and family, so why not spread the wealth and celebrate other people’s success, too?  If you practice this piece of advice, you will find yourself celebrating very often, and that is good.  Celebration is good for us humans. For example, two friends of mine (actually one is a child of dear friends who has now become a friend, too) got engaged- maybe a card is in order!  Also, my son just put up a new video on YouTube- and it’s really cool: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxF5Y1F_FuQ  WE are celebrating him! Celebrating others’ accomplishments is a bit like being grateful for what you have, yourself.  It puts a positive spin on life.  

Why don’t you try celebrating something today?  Write a note of congratulations on LinkedIn or Facebook.  Call a friend.  Give somebody an “ataboy”! Buy that box of chocolate and deliver it in person. 

Let’s move into the future with a more positive outlook for ourselves, for our family and  neighbors, our co-workers, and for the communities we live in.  Celebrate your own success.  Celebrate the success of others with others.

Patricia Jehle               patricia@jehle-coaching.com