Emotions are all good, all okay

Tears of Remembrance 

There is a time for showing emotions -- and all emotions are okay to show at some point in time.  Today I met up with a friend who lost a spouse recently. Another person lost a job. Another person lost a relationship. All are grieving. 

History and cultures

A while ago I had a conversation with a friend about the history of tears, their meaning and how one collected tears, because they were precious.  The ancient Persians and the Romans seem to have considered tears to be precious. The Hebrews in the Old Testament honored tears, and the Victorians collected tears in bottles and kept them for show in special bottles. 

Benefits of tears

Besides being precious tears are important for health. We cry to release intense feelings, but also the body is able to rid itself of impurities.  Tears are also important for emotional health.  .” 

The Problem

But there is a problem;  we live in a tear-phobic society., a grief-phobic society It is common to think that crying is a sign of weakness, a sign of inability to cope with the situation. This is a false assumption and must be countered with truth.  It’s more than okay to cry.  It is good and healthy for us to cry, and to allow others to cry in our presence.

How long should we grieve?

I have read that society in general wants people to get over grief in something like two months.  Ask any honest person, and good psychologist, and I think the deep grief can easily last for six to twelve months.  What does our society do with this?  They want you “productive and strong” in two months. But there’s a real problem with that, because when we, you and I, stuff our emotions they stay there and “fester” and come out in very unproductive ways.  It is much better to grieve and to feel our grief.  To cry. 

So what should we all do:

Be mindful of our state of emotion, of our body, of others, too

·       Pay attention and be curious about our emotions.  Treat them as part of you, not as adversaries.

·       Be aware that your grief will affect your body, too. That headache, gut ache, tight chest… be aware, and take care of yourself.  Remember to breathe and to move take walks, especially)

·       Remember that others are grieving, too and send them your wishes, in thoughts, prayers, words, and actions.

What are you going to do about it?

We humans want to be pain-free.  But life is not like that and it is much better to walk through that pain, preferably with someone, than to stuff it and pretend it isn’t there.  Each person has their own coping methods.  I personally walk my dog a lot when I am sad.  It really helps, as does something that Brené Brown writes about called four spare breathing.

So, what are you sad about, grieving about? Who else is grieving around you?  How are you going to deal with it?  Also, there are times for anger, fear and joy, too, of course!

I wish you a great week, a week of thinking, doing and feeling, feeling all the emotions.

Patricia Jehle. contact me at: patricia@jehle-coaching.com

Also, I invite you to join my group, SMEs Grow Together on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/groups/7041402