Blindsided

From the Oxford on-line dictionary: past tense: blindsided; past participle: blindsided

hit or attack (someone) on their blind side.

"Graber blindsided Kelly, knocking him to the pavement"

-make (someone) unable to perceive the truth of a situation.

"we got blindsided by our own government"

Have you ever been blindsided?  I have, so have my clients and friends, and can I guess you have too.

What can you do when you are blindsided?  

·      Pick yourself up

·      Shake yourself off

·      Get back in the game

First, pick yourself up.  

This means no pity party, but a reflection on how you are doing (especially emotionally but also physically) and maybe you need to take some action to help yourself get “better” - do you need to take a day or two off?  Do you need to read a book?  Do you need a night out with (trusted) friends or family?

Second, shake (dust) yourself off.  

Time for reflection and starting to change- rumble with this incident.  What happened?  How are you feeling? Could it have been foreseen (it may be unlikely that you could have foreseen it, by the way)?  What might have been the reason/cause of the blind side?  Did you have any control at all over this situation?

What are you needing to get back into the game?

Third, get back into the game.  

After some R&R and reflection it’s time to move upward and onward.  What have you learned and what is the life experience that you can gain from this situation?  How are you going to act differently from now on?

One of the hardest  times I was blindsided was when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, another time was when someone I loved and cared for died.  At work I have also been blindsided, and even in relationships.  What about you?  

Emotions:

Often we have negative emotions when we are blindsided. Try this:

Label those negative emotions

Name the emotions, not blame someone else

What will help change your emotions is to label them, to give them a name.  So here we go:  I was hurt, insulted, angry and sad all at once.  When we consciously recognize our emotions and name them, it actually takes the away some of the emotions’ impact, takes it’s power over us away.  

Don’t stuff your emotions under the chair when you are blindsided

What about you?  When you are blindsided by something and have (negative) emotions, what do you do?  Stuff them, try to pretend they aren’t there?  This will not help and it is likely to backfire and maybe you even blow up in your face later on.  What to do: rumble.

Rumbling with your emotions

The rumble is not my original idea. Brené Brown writes in her book, Rising Strong, that we have to rumble with our feelings when something difficult happens.  This means sitting with them and reflecting on them.

Here are a few of her questions we should ask ourselves to rumble:

1.  What more do I need to learn and understand about the situation?

2.  What more do I need to learn and understand about the other people in the story?

3.  What more do I need to learn and understand about myself?

So, to conclude, 

·      Pick yourself up

·      Shake yourself off (RUMBLE with thoughts and emotions)

·      Get back in the game

If you try this the next time you are blindsided, tell me how it went for you.

Have a productive week.

Patricia Jehle            patrica@jehle-coaching.com