Resilience 

 We are talking a lot about burnout and resilience these days, in fact burnout is now officially a syndrome.  Resilience is what you need to help prevent burnout. 

What really helps a person get up and keep going when something happens that is a set-back, whether big or small?  What makes a person resilient?  You’d be surprised.  It’s not a “I’ve got it, I can do it. I’m okay.”  And I then stuff my feelings deep down and keep going kind of action and attitude. 

It’s a lot about those soft skills, or “EQ”:  

·      It’s being honest and open about your feelings; it’s vulnerability; 

·      It’s being curious where those thoughts and feelings come from and letting yourself go with them for the moment; 

·      It’s being compassionate with yourself (and with others) when you (they) fail; 

·      It’s finding and acknowledging those false assumptions and putting a correct ones in it’s place; - this is key, and not easy!

·      And it’s learning from the mistake and putting new practices in place. 

Brené Brown calls this the rumble.

Do you want to be a resilient person?  Then this is what you need to start doing:

1) Be honest about your emotions

Be honest about what you are thinking and feeing, at least with yourself and those closest to you.  Sometimes, we are not very adept at naming and understanding our feelings and then you can google a list, if you need to.

Emotions are neutral - one should not call certain emotions “negative emotions”.  But they do show things about what is going on inside you.  They give clues to what is happening inside and how you can change.

2) Get curious about the feelings and thoughts that occur when you have a “facedown experience”, a set-back, when life is going rough

There is something that happened that might have triggered “old patterns” of response in you, that bring back the worn, over-played stories we tell ourselves about ourselves, about others and life, in general.  We need to explore these patterned responses to figure out what is really going on within ourselves.

To do that you: 

3) Have to give yourself – and others – some space to be human, some compassion

We are all human.  We will make always mistakes and we will never be perfect.  In fact, to really improve, we have to admit our mistakes and then we can learn from them.  When you allow self-compassion and compassion for others, you are able to change and allow others space for change.  We must remember that most people are really doing the best they can with the tools they have.  

4) Watch for false assumptions and untrue stories you tell yourself.  Don’t judge!

Often we tell ourselves false stories like, “I’m a failure!” or “S/He really doesn’t like me.”  We assume way too much that is just not true.  Some of the best questions go in this direction, focusing on what we are assuming and whether or not it is true or partially true.  We often judge ourselves, and others, much too quickly and often falsely.  

5) We must find and then put what is true into the place of the false assumptions and move on with those truths

When we live by what we know is true, we can become more resilient and, not only that, we can become more whole, as a human being.  And that is a very good thing.

6) Finally, we have to think about our new learning points and put them into practice for “the next time”

When we learn things about ourselves (and others), we need to put those learning points into practice so they are not forgotten. Then those new insights can be applied for the next facedown experience.  We know it is only a matter of time before another set-back,  failure, another issue, will occur.

Time for reflection:  What has happened to you recently that you should rumble (reflect) with?  What were you feeling about it?  What were your immediate actions/reactions and what were the stories (assumptions) you were telling yourself?  What was really true?  How can you live by the truth and not the false assumptions, and thus move on?  What have you learned from the whole experience?

Enjoy your reflecting - and rumbling this week!

Patricia Jehle

Email me: patriicia@jehle-coaching.com