Authenticity                      Integrity               Authority            Empathy 

When looking for someone to trust, Donald Miller says we are looking for people to have empathy and authority.  You want to “be like Oprah” and have competency like Steve Jobs or whoever is considered competent skills in your field.

I would add two more words to that list of who you can trust: authenticity (you are what you say you are and can do what you say you can do) and integrity (you live what you say you are).  One is more outside-oriented and the other is more inside-oriented.

Last week I wrote about trust and said that vetting a potential (business and personal) partner is really important.  Besides that, you have to be going in similar directions and have values that are closely aligned.  Finally, I wrote about red flags and when to not go forward with a potential partner.  
This week I am writing about the person and what we should look for.

The four qualities, AUTHENTICITY, INTEGRITY, AUTHORITY, and EMPATHY are key in making decisions when to hire someone, when to partner with someone and when, in my view, to add someone to your very small “close friend” or personal partner list.  Let’s look at each word more carefully:

AUTHENTICITY

Are you really who you say you are: do your achievements and work/educational experience actually match what you have written on your resume?  Can you really prove that you are who you say you are?  Or are you (or the person you are vetting) just a lot of “hot air”?  I’ve been burned on the hot air types, how about you?

INTEGRITY

Integrity is closely linked to authenticity but is more about your moral code and your inner life.  Are you the same person when nobody is looking?  People full of integrity admit their boundaries and failings and not only to themselves, but to others.  It’s like a good piece of solid dark chocolate vs. the Swiss praline where the outside is maybe dark chocolate, but the inside is full of marzipan.  With the praline, what you see on the outside is not what you get. (I do not like marzipan and love dark chocolate, BTW, so this is a personally fitting picture.  What is your picture of integrity?).

Authority

Do you have the skills and know-how to do the job well and the resources to fulfill your commitments?  This is very important for vetting people, but for those of us who offer services and goods, it’s also to under promise and over deliver.  This keeps up our reputation.  It also keeps clients and customers happy and gives us good references.  Without authority in your field, you are “dead in the water”.  Sometimes, you can take further education courses and start slowly and become an expert in your field.  This is part of your development process, and it can be done when you over deliver and under promise.

I am doing this during COVID-19: taking more courses, getting more certificates, etc.  My current activity is getting a Cerney-Smith Assessment Coaching Certificate.

EMPATHY

I am not perfectly sure how one develops more empathy, except to do this:

 slow down, get curious about the person in front of you, to ask LOTS of questions and to imagine what it’s like to what a mile in their shoes.  

Listen and don’t judge and when you catch yourself judging, stop and return to curiosity.  When you learn this “skill”, you will be more likely to be able to create a warm working atmosphere and, when conflict arises, it may not get too hot, since you really “see” the person.  This is a lifelong skill/trait to encourage, but one worth a lot of gold.

When you start new relationships, be a person who is trustworthy and choose trustworthy people to be with, when you can.  This is really a key to lifelong success.

Have a great week!

Patricia Jehle               patricia@jehle-coaching.com