How are you surviving, and are you even thriving?

My blog today has two main parts. The first looks outward, with ideas relating to your organization and the people in it.  I hope to protect you from those trying to push you aside before you reach your goal(s). The second looks at you, focusing on your own human needs and vulnerabilities. It is designed to keep you from being your own worst enemy

A Hostile Environment

You need a meta-view of the situation to survive (and thrive). This means you need to not only be a participant in your organization (read: System), but also be an observer on the proverbial “balcony”.  For example, in a meeting, observe what is happening WHILE it happens.  Look at the relationships (coalitions?) and notice the people’s attention to the topic (supporting, listening, passive, uninterested, or against/thwarting). Notice body language.  When you make a point, sit back and watch (avoid waiting to defend/respond- use active listening skills, be curious).  Just push your chair back a few inches/centimeters and lean back in a listening stance.

You also need a coalition of your own, so court those who are undecided for your point of view. Going it alone is not helpful.  The people you may need are not the “Yay-sayers”, but the middle of the road, wary ones.  The uncommitted. 

Then you can also take (and acknowledge) your personal responsibility for whatever problems your company is facing at the moment.  The buck should stop with you and you should own it.  With this, identify areas of behavior that you could change to make a way.  This could also help with potential opposition to your suggestions.

Conflict is normal and often even necessary for change.  Remember that.  Managing conflict is a difficult art to learn, but it can be learned.  There may be (normal) resistance to change but if you handle the conflict well, it can even become fuel to change.  The most important part of managing change is managing differences (which are also good for the organization).  Because you naturally have differences in opinion and leadership style, conflict will happen.  What to do:

·       Make sure the workplace and meeting space is SAFE (people can express opinions safely)

·       Make sure the rules of “order” and conflict mediation rules are followed so people don’t get “burned”

I need to point out that it may be very important to start all possible tense meeting situations with your rules of order.  Once I (luckily) missed a department meeting where someone acted out and ended up leaving the meeting by slamming the door.  This person is over fifty years old (and male, btw). 

Then there are dangerous employees that can harm your organization, too. There is much more to say about this, but I want to also focus on you.

You and thriving

Make sure work has the right place in your life.  Do you live to work or work to live? Hopefully it’s the latter, and you actually can shut out work when you are not at work.  Sometimes, though we have no control over this.  I am thinking of situations when the season means a lot of extra work, or always being on call.  If this is continuous, though, either find a way to change it, or to change jobs. That’s my personal advice.

Also, manage your needs and wants.  For example, at work we all have the need for recognition and esteem.  This is normal, but is it overtaking your company’s (more important) need to move forward?  When you want positive recognition of self, you may become a people-pleaser, and then stop the organization from a necessary change because you want to appease the nay-sayers.  Also, if life at work is chaotic, for example, and you are an “order/control-type”, like me, and your organization is in a change process, your need might be holding back the process.  Find ways to feel “okay” about the chaos, especially now in the VUCA-world.  You need to anchor yourself so the appropriate moves can happen, even when it’s not positive for all, even when it’s chaotic.  You need to find ways of self-care that make you “invulnerable” to VUCA and your own vulnerabilities.  I have written about this before, but here are a few suggestions from a blog a year ago when COIV-19 was just starting:

Realistic expectations, Self-care, Self-regulation and self-motivation are key for survival.

Be real: Keep your expectations real and this may not be the time to do all those things you ever wanted to do and haven’t had the time, like starting a whole new job, or repainting your place, or cleaning out every single closet- and no matter what, do things one at a time and celebrate your accomplishments.  

Maybe you are struggling because you have been running on adrenaline for the last year.  This hormone is a response and the kind of activity (running around and doing too much) is a biological response to trauma, and your body cannot keep it up (think: burnout).  So, be careful!  It may be that you are already in that can’t handle it/weepy/stressed area (burnout edge).  Then self-care is key.  Self-regulation and self- motivation are also part of the whole package.

How do you realistically keep yourself motivated?  Have you set up a (realistic) schedule and to-do list? Keep your expectations in line with your body mind and soul right now. 

Personally, I have cut back because I know I am grieving a lot (lots of cancellations and disappointments).  I set times for good/healthy work, and I set times to just relax or read a book or go outside (we can still do that here).  I make a list for the week using the Eisenhower matrix and I try to get things done on time (or even early so my stress level is a low as possible).

Self-care is right up there on my list of things to do.  I have activities that make me happy, and I try to do them regularly.  What activities give you joy?  Try spending more time on them and try focusing on the here and now- and spend less time worrying about what you cannot control.  A big part of this is remembering what I am grateful for, thinking about what is good about the past- and the present, and looking forward to some things (even if they are far off or with no dates).

Self-regulation is all about consciously watching your mood and working on making it better.  You know, if you get enough sleep, exercise and eat right you are about 75% of the way there and none of this even is hard.  All of that makes you much happier- then after that, monitor your media input. (Being grateful and savoring the moment also help).

One other (really nice) way to be happy is to spend money on and help others.  When I spoke this weekend with a friend, her boss (of an SME) is very worried about sales and turnover at this time, as they don’t have a big cushion.  So, what can we do:

·      Keep up your subscriptions and such, for example, keep your cleaning firm-and go to the hairdresser if it is allowed

·      Shop local, even if it is online

·      Shop from small businesses and avoid amazon (and bookdepository.com), etc.

FINALY:

If you need to talk, I am available for Skype and phone calls (WhatsApp).

Remember, staying home is for the greater good and you may not be showing any symptoms but still be carrying the virus so wash your hands and if you are coughing, follow the local medical suggestions.  Rest and work at home if at all possible, and if not, stay two meters apart.