What makes good communication?  It’s complicated and takes some work to communicate, but it’s do-able.

Good communication is a skill and art to be learned through practice, knowledge and sometimes, through coaching.   Here are some aspects to consider when communicating, whether by email or in person:

·      Create an environment of safety and authenticity. Do this by allowing yourself to show your own vulnerability and by allowing the listener(s) to do this, as well in a non-judgmental environment.

·      Set realistic expectations about the communication and the message.  Try to focus on what you want to really accomplish rather than “being right”.

·      Try to be fully comprehensive (if time and other constraints allow) and as accurate as you can (no half-truths). Of course, when speaking of personal perspective, truth is not exactly “the truth”, but more “my truth” and should be considered it more like, “my experience”, unless you are talking about good research, of course.

·      Your main point/reason for the discussion has been thought about (and if possible) rehearsed so that you are ready to get your one point across. If you have too many points, the first, last or “worst” point will be remembered, and the other points will most likely be forgotten.  This is not good communication. Save the other points for a later time.

·      Having a good awareness of yourself and of the recipient is key for good communication.

Know your own feelings, needs and what you want to communicate (I repeat: one clear point- that’s all).  You have an attitude regarding your message- make sure your attitude is one of benevolence and care for the listener(s).

Keep you pre-set boundaries.  Enough said, maybe I will write more in another blog about this.

Make a connection with your recipient(s)- and try to keep that connection. Remember that the listener(s) are humans with real needs, histories (of previous experiences) and wants.  If you want them to hear you, you must reach through their emotions to their needs, acknowledging both.  When you address their needs, they can hear your message.  Consider the needs and feelings of those who are listening to you and try to find a way to avoid hurting the listener(’s)’ feelings

The language you use must also be language that the listener can hear. For example, I do not do well with cursing and may shut down if you begin with cursing.  Other people, like my husband, have problems when “buzz words” are used or if words are over-used or ambiguous in meaning.  The word interesting can have several meanings, for example. 

Also, try to use “warm” body language.

Realize the listeners are different from you. I know this is “simple”, but we usually think other people are “like us” and “think like us” and this is a fallacy. Consider your listener’(s) demographics, culture(s) and experiences and try to reach “through” them to them

Allow the listener(s) to come to their own conclusions. They will anyway .

·      Good communication always follows the social constraints of politeness, civility, and if at all possible, uses the NVC (non-violent communication) model when the message is conflictual.

·      Good communication is always clear and unambiguous. Be specific and use examples.  Make sure your message is well-organized without extra “fluff”.

All of these points, of course, also goes with good feedback, but these points are more about good communication in general, whether in person, in a presentation, or via email.

Have a great week getting you points across in a positive manner.

Patricia Jehle                           patricia@jehle-coaching.com