STOP and be SOBER

In conflict and stressful situations…

When you say, write or do something you want to take back, what can you do?

Be humble

Admit your fault

Apologize sincerely

Start again anew

All this is good, but it may not change long-instilled negative patters.

When you want learn to change your negative responses, what can you do? You can STOP and be SOBER.

STOP

When you hit a stuck point and/or an emotional “storm” whips up, S.T.O.P.

S

Slow your breathing

Take a few deep breaths (see the next exercise below), and mindfully observe the breath flowing in and flowing out. This will help to be in the present moment.

T

Take note of what is happening

Notice your experience in this moment. Notice what you are thinking. Notice what you

are feeling. Notice what you are doing. Notice how your thoughts and feelings are swirling

around, and can easily carry you away if you allow them.  This is similar to the next exercise.

O

Open up

Open yourself to your feelings. Breathe into them and make room for them, allow them to be in the room. Open up to your thoughts too: take a step back and give them some room to move, without holding onto them or trying to push them away. Fighting the thoughts and feelings makes them stronger, not weaker, by the way. See your thoughts and feelings for what they are and give them space, rather than letting them rule over you.

P

Pursue your values

Once you’ve done the above three steps, you will be in calmer state. The next step is to respond to the crisis by pursuing a valued course of action. Connect with your values (the next blog will help you with this): ask yourself, ‘What do I want to be about, in the face of this crisis? What do I want to stand for? How would I like to act, so that I can look back years from now and feel proud of my response?

Be SOBER

Sober stands for Stop, Observe, Breath, Expand, and Respond. 

S

Stop whatever it is you are doing and whatever it is you are about to do. 

Allow yourself to just simply be right here in the present moment. 

O

Observe what is happening in your body, noticing any sensations that are present in your body right now. 

[Brief pause] 

Check in with your emotions, noticing whatever feelings are there for you right now without judging anything--just allowing them to be as they are. 

[Brief pause] 

Notice where your thoughts are right now—whether they are in the past, or in the future, or in the present. 

[Brief pause] 

B

BREATHE

With the next breath in, gathering your awareness. 

With the next breath out, bringing your awareness now just to the breath. 

As best as you can, keeping your full attention on the sensations of breathing. 

Breathing in—I know that I am breathing in. 

Breathing out—I know that I am breathing out. 

In. Out. 

[Brief pause] 

Whenever you notice your mind wandering, as best as you can, simply bring your awareness back to the next breath. 

Breathing in, breathing out. 

In. Out.

Gathering your awareness again with your next in-breath. 

(B

BODY)- EXPAND

Breathing out, expanding your awareness to the sensation of your whole body being breathed. 

Checking in again with the body—what do you notice? What sensations are present right now? Are they the same or are they different than earlier? 

(E

EMOTIONS)- EXPAND

Checking in with your emotions—what feelings are present right now? 

Checking in again with your thoughts—where is your mind right now? 

R

REFLECT and RESPOND

And with awareness, as best as you can, responding to the situation, carrying on with your day...shifting out of autopilot mode and into present-moment awareness.

Choose one -or both exercise. And like all exercise, practice. practice. PRACTICE.

It might take up to 6 weeks, if you practice diligently.

Then sometime, in the near future, you won’t have to be humble, admit your fault and apologize.

Wishing you a calmer more positive week.

Patricia Jehle                            patricia@jehle-coaching.com