Sometimes you can control life to some extent and plan it.

And sometimes life happens to you, without your permission.

For instance, I had COVID a few weeks ago and it’s taking longer than I want to fully recover.

And two friends have lost close loved ones recently.

And someone is dealing with a really difficult relationship issue.

And someone is being made to retire who doesn’t want to.

And. And. And.

What I have learned from COVID is one thing: control is pretty much an illusion. We make plans, but… well, they should be flexible, or at least with a Plan B or C or…

But what about loss. We never plan for or hope for loss, especially for loss of a dear one, but also for loss of a job, loss of a friendship or marriage…

Then there is the disappointment of loss of plans AND a relationship, or even a set of relationships.

How do we grieve this, and grieve well?

There are the models: the Kübler-Ross Model, the Dual Process Model, the Lavia Model and probably others that help us come to terms with our losses. 

The biggest thing to me is that we give the term “negative” to some emotions, like sadness and anger and then we fight those, which in the end makes them the focus of our consciousness, rather than allowing the emotions to come, acknowledging them as what the are: our emotions. These can bring us though the loss to the other side, as we see them as a part of the grieving process, and neither negative nor positive.

So, I have lost hours and hours of work time in the past month, plus lost fun that others have had without me, because I went to bed.

Others are dealing with much bigger losses, or with losses on the horizon and they are “right in the middle” of the pain, hurt, and sorrow.

Whatever it is, feel that loss and allow yourself to go through the process and then, eventually, come out on the other side.

Also, allow others into your grief. One friend is rather good at that and I admit, I am not so good at being brave and asking for help.  And then there are those of us more in the middle of that spectrum.  No matter who we are, we are meant to grieve in community.

Part of life is losing things – and people, unfortunately.  Let’s learn how to do ti, to grieve, well, and at the best, with others I hope we can all learn this lesson sooner than later..

Until next week, I remain,

Patricia Jehle               patricia@jehle-coaching.com