For a better mindset – shift your focus and shift the viewpoint. This will cause you to be more resilient.

Shift: what I see and how I see it.

Doing the hard thing is, for example: If I am very tired and do not want to do a big project, I can ask myself, “!What is the smallest thing I can do and accomplish in this big project?”. In other words, I break the big project into little, do-able mini-projects.

Vision versus fear (of failure) is another way to shift. Instead of telling yourself you will feel awkward and uncomfortable in front of an audience, envision yourself enjoying it, telling jokes and “having the group in the palm or your hands”.  See yourself differently (use your body to encourage this). Also, acknowledge the fear of speaking, but allow it to sit in a corner while you work on your talk, practice it and enjoy giving it. Evaluate afterwards how you can be even better next time.

Speaking of emotions, sometimes emotions get in the way of getting things done.  Acknowledge the emotion (say, sadness) and then ask if the emotion is telling you something you haven’t noticed. Notice the thoughts that go with it and ask yourself, “Are these thoughts helping me move forward?”. If they are, good. If not, acknowledge them and move on to what your next thing to do is by putting the thoughts and emotions in a corner “on hold” till you are done with your task.

Play the even if game with yourself: 

·      Even if I do not have friends attending the conference, I am a likeable person and will find one or two new friends there.

·      Even if I sometimes feel lonely in a crowd, I will know that I have friends and family who love me and so I can feel lonely without it hurting how I see myself.

·      Even if I have messed up in the past, I can learn from my mistakes and get better so I make fewer mistakes. (control and perfectionism are traps, by the way. They are illusions).

·      Even if I am 50 years old, I can learn and do a new job and do it well (I know!).

For other ways to reframe, just call me.

Have a lovely week.

Patricia Jehle               patricia@jehle-coaching.com