Are you stressed? Is it good or bad?

This last week was very stressful for me; usually it was good stress, but a few times the stress went over to bad stress, so today I am doing some reflecting, relaxing and reflecting on my PPFs (see below) to recover.

There is good stress – contact me for a chat if you disagree.

But there is a time when your stress level tips. Then the stress begins to hurt your body.

What is that bad stress and what can you do about it? What causes it?

There is Fear - and fear can cause stress.

So, what are you afraid of?

There are many MANY significant things happening in the world that you have a right to be concerned about. There are uncertainties all around us.

Also, your fear can come from within.

Personal crises are all around you – and me, too.

Maybe you are afraid you will lose your job.

Or that you will never find another job.

Or that you will be forced to retire early.

Or that you will never find friends here is Switzerland (or wherever you are).

Or…

How do you see your future and “prepare” for it? Does this frighten you?

Let’s go back to the main question: what are you afraid of?

Basically, there are three common responses we can have to on-going crises (and thus, fears):

DENIAL; CONCERN or OBESSION

Denial means: there is no pandemic, there is no war, there is no increase of nuclear threat, there is no shortage of baby formula… and so on.

Concern is the middle of the road and what is most healthy: I acknowledge the situation a real crisis and acknowledge my emotions to the threat; I talk about it with people I trust; and I (or we) make a plan for what we can control. I do what I can, and let the rest go.

Obsession is when the situation takes over us and we are (basically) paralyzed or only focused on that and lose site of the bigger picture – this, of course, is a psychological disorder and can be looked up.

How do you respond in a crisis in general?

These days we should notice the patterns in us. A lot of how we respond to crises has to do with our view of reality.

You cannot control a lot of things in a crisis, but you can make a plan.

For example, the threat of nuclear war has increased since the Ukraine war. Do you have a plan, what can you control and do?

Here’s what you can do in a crisis: acknowledge the fear (which is NORMAL to be fearful), lean in, decide what you can control, make a plan and be as ready as you can be.

So:

What is your plan for the next BIG THING- like a job loss, or your retirement?

You need to accept the possible negative future scenarios and focus on our areas of concern and what we personally can do: Acknowledge the possibility, accept the emotion(s) that come, know what you can do and…

Then you plan accordingly.

And remember, talk about your fears and concerns with people you trust to help you to put the crisis (or potential crisis) into perspective.

Also, I have been thinking a lot about stress and trauma.

You and I all have stress, and we all have some sort of trauma, big or little.

How do we deal with stress? I suggest you begin with looking at two kinds of stress: the  good kind that motivates you to achieve and excel and the bad kind that causes anxiety and sleepless nights.

We all need some stress to get us going (and so we are not bored), but somewhere there is a tipping point, and that point is first, individual to you and your person and second, dependent on the circumstances. You may be more resilient than I in a situation, but the opposite in another situation.

Also, if you are too busy, then a wee little extra stress might put you in the “danger zone”.

You must be self-aware enough to know when you are having normal (good) stress and not – and why.

Stress: So, tip number one: label your stressors. Know what tips you into the “bad zone”.

Then, when possible, lessen those bad stressors. Do something about it.

For example: when possible, ask for help. It is good for two things – sharing the stress is making it less, but also social interaction lessens stress, in general.

Tip number two is BREATHE- either the 4 x 4 method or the 4 x 7 x 8 one, which I have recently shifted to. Look them up.

Tip number three: look at your expectations and see if they are realistic or are you trying to be/achieve perfection.

Finally, take on my PPFs® activities and be grateful for the PAST, savor the PRESENT moment and look forward to the FUTURE with hope. (check out some of my blogs on this). This method will lessen your stress and, hopefully bring you joy – an anecdote to bad stress.

But what about trauma?

You and I all have trauma.

That is a very existential issue and can be a difficult one to work on, but you need to work on trauma.

When you are experiencing trauma now, you should go to an expert (I can refer you) or if you have experienced it, either as a child or earlier in your life, it is the same: you need to get help.

The earlier you experienced trauma, the more defining it can be for issues that you face today, even your health issues can be trauma induced, so again, see and expert and I can refer, if you need one.

I am not an expert on this, and I do not work “on” trauma, but I can help people who have experienced it, until they find the right therapist, because this issue needs therapy. So, I will “stay with you” until you find someone you feel is right for you.

Feel free to contact me to find out more at patricia@jehle-coaching.com

I work in-person and online.

Patricia Jehle