The connections between stress, burnout… and love

There is a connection between stress, burnout and love, so bear with me.

If, we take Dr. Kelly McGonigal’s definition of stress as being “caring about something and that thing is at stake”, or in danger, well then that caring is love, in a way.  What can we care about? N Lots of things- some are more “worth-the-while” than others, but in some ways that does not matter for now.  What can we care about?  Well, relationships, our job/career, our financial situation or future, our health and so many other things.

And if we take what Brene Brown said in her blog last week about love and burnout, “burnout drives lovelessness”… well, maybe we have to quit caring when we are in burnout because we a just too tired.

Well, then, it looks like love is really part of the key to dealing with stress. But I mean love as an action, not just a feeling, and it is the answer.  Love is (still) the answer.

I’ve been reading a book on The Jesuit Guide to (almost) Everything by James Martin, S.J. and he has a list of what love does and I believe to help with stress (and avoid burnout) a person can do these things- for a friend, but also it helps the “lover”: listen with compassion, be there (be “present”), be helpful and do love in a practical way, love without strings attached (it must be a free gift), forgive freely, and ask God /(and others) to help those you love.  Sounds simple, but it is by no means easy.  As F. Dostoevsky said, “Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to love in dreams.”  Hard, but worthwhile, indeed.  After all, what is more important than our relationships?

So, what are we to do with stress, then, personally?  To wrap-up, first and foremost, think of stress as a means of achieving your goal(s) and not as an enemy or what keeps you from success (see last week’s blog) and second, become more aware, more mindful of yourself, of your situation, and of what your body is doing.  Finally, connect.  McGonigal says that those who are under a lot of stress but have significant relationships (I read that as -love) do not have the negative effects of stress.  A famous man once said, “love one another”.

Are you stressed out?  We all are, sometimes.  Pay attention and remind yourself it’s your body helping you to meet that challenge, but also, talk about it with your friends and family.  Be aware of your whole self: body, emotions, thoughts… and be mindful of who you are and how you react to different challenges.  Practice prayer and mindfulness in a way that helps you to move forward in peace. Most of all, reach out and love one another.  It will be a gift to another, but also it is always a gift to yourself, too.

Have a very active week of connecting!

Patricia Jehle               patricia@jehle-coaching.com