The tips and tools you need to become more resilient

Here are some Tools and Tips in obtaining Resilience

Tools 

1.     When it happens (Real-time resilience, using CBT)- avoid thinking traps (you are what you think (& believe)):

“Mind your ABCs”

A-    Adversity – we all have problems (and most lead to emotional and behavioral consequences) – what pushes your buttons?*

B-    Beliefs – the cause oft he consequence is really the BELIEF (eg., I have to be perfect, strong, work hard, do it right, please others…) – what runs through your mind (not always conscious) when A happens – BEEPER ACTIVITY** - are my beliefs correct? What are the consequences of my beliefs

Cs- Consequences (an emotion or a behavior or something else)

Look at your B-Cs (eg violation of rights-anger, loss-sadness, future threat-anxiety, self-comparison-embarrassment etc…) – find your emotions and identify your beliefs (can get unstuck from emotion, here by identifying the belief that goes with the emotion)

AND:

“Detect (your) Icebergs” (beliefs in intense emotional situations)

We need to find the real belief behind the surface one- assess the cost-benefit ratio!

Adaptive ones help facilitate success and happiness- such as Honesty matters to me and I will not give up when the going gets tough)

Unhelpful ones- fixed, frozen negative beliefs (people can’t be trusted, everyone must respect me, women should always be kind, men do not show emotions)

3 themes: achievement (you are what you do/perfectionism, performance), acceptance (being loved is what matters, so I need to please others—if people don’t like me, there is something wrong with me) and control (only weak people can’t solve their problems, I must always be in charge)

However, an iceberg Belief of “Disorder is a sign of bad character” can be rather helpful- it’s not too rigid

Contradictory iceberg beliefs can make decision-making difficult

Ask- are my emotions/reactions in proportion to the situation (and are my beliefs “inline?)? – are the emotions appropriate (sad for loss, anger for injustice, fear for danger)? Is decision-making getting difficult?—and then look at the incident: What matters to me? What’s most upsetting? What’s the very worst part?  What does this say about me?  What is so awful about that?

2.     FINALLY, Dealing with/ REGULATING your Emotions is key (Real Time): Focusing and Calming to Regulate Emotions

BUT IT Needs - PRACTICE

Resilient people see change as opportunity for growth (optimistic), they believe they can influence their situation and are more likely to be active in the situation (not victims), and they are more likely to be engaged (passionate) about their activity.

Resilient people use calming techniques (and mindfulness) to minimize stress

·       Controlled breathing techniques (see below)

·       Progressive Muscle Relaxation techniques

·       Positive Imagery, Visualization and Embodiment

Resilient People Focus and  manage their intrusive (negative) thoughts by

Mental Games (as distraction)- city, country, river, Alphabet games, rhyming, Maths, memory (eg., name all your school teachers), son lyrics, poetry, Bible verses, etc.

Thus, resilient people are not constantly interrupted by unhelpful (catastrophic, obsessive) thoughts, but use Calming and Focusing Techniques to regain control of their thoughts and emotions.

 What can also help:

            Mindfulness and Self-Care

            Gratefulness and helping others who are “worse off”

            Seeing stress as normal and even helpful is good

Have a resilient week,

Patricia Jehle   patricia@jehle-coaching.com

Thoughts and ideas are from this book: The Resilience Factor: 7 Keys to Finding your Inner Strength and Overcoming Life’s Hurdles, Karen Reivich and Andrew Shatte