Waiting, learning, changing (liminal spaces)
I have been thinking about liminal spaces again and have taken a bit of a break from writing to organize and do some creative (sewing) projects.
Sometimes we have a Time Out from work – or everyday life
Sometimes we should give ourselves a Time Out
Sometimes we are given those times
Time Out
Waiting
Sometimes waiting is for something new
Something not known
But waiting and not knowing is hard
Even scary sometimes
That in-between time
It can be hard
Liminal Space is what it is often called
“The word "liminal" comes from the Latin word “limen,” which means threshold. To be in a liminal space means to be on the precipice of something new but not quite there yet. You can be in a liminal space physically, emotionally, or metaphorically. Being in a liminal space can be incredibly uncomfortable for most people.“ – Verywellmind
Are you in a liminal space?
On the precipice – and not knowing.
Maybe you have to jump.
It’s like starting a new job.
Or moving to a new country.
Or moving home after over a decade.
Or retiring.
Or getting married.
Or…
That in-between time is really a place of opportunity.
Sometimes it is concrete and sometimes not.
There are physical liminal spaces: waiting rooms at the doctor’s office, airport terminals, airplanes in flight, hallways, bridges, in the car driving somewhere, and doorways…
I was waiting at a bus stop on a rainy evening recently, wondering about all those other people I saw. Their stories, but also all “on hold” until their bus came.
Liminal - waiting for something new to begin.
For the new to come something needs to end.
There was an end of something, a meeting, a job, a visit, a holiday, a relationship.
Maybe even there was a grief process..
There are also emotional liminal spaces: graduations, illnesses, deaths of loved ones, job searches, divorce and separation, moving, waiting for that phone call,
There was
COVID19… still is, actually. Recently a friend had COVID for the third time…
and there is the Ukraine Crisis… The war in GAZA… The continual crisis in Myanmar… Sudan…
There has just been a hurricane on the Gulf of Mexico. The people there are experiencing a very difficult liminal space. Waiting for the end of the storm. A physical – or emotional storm can be a liminal space.
The in-between times can be very difficult, and there can be something positive about this liminal space because we can sometimes learn a lot about ourselves and our (negative and positive) patterns of coping in stressful situations.
Remember stress is not necessarily bad.
Liminal space can be, in the best circumstance, a catalyst for change.
But how?
Don’t run away from the discomfort, first and foremost.
As Brene Brown so clearly says:
“One of the most valuable gifts in my life was from my mom. She taught us to never look away from pain. The lesson was simple and clear:
Don’t look away. Don’t look down.
Don’t pretend not to see hurt.
Look people in the eye.
Even when their pain is overwhelming.
And when you’re hurting and in pain, find people who can look you in the eye.”
Paying attention, and reflection is very key:
- what am I thinking and doing and is it a negative pattern that I recognizer from another liminal space?
- Reflect on your thoughts and emotions in this time.
Then get a bit into your body, practice a body scan and do some breathing exercises to get calm.
Finally, reflect on the space without catastrophizing it.
Accept it, that liminal space.
Let the “in-between” time be.
When you are ready:
Write about it or draw it or sing it or dance it out to “portray” your situation.
By accepting and then expressing your situation, you can start moving on, slowly but surely. If you “fight” it, there is little interacting with the reality of the moment and growth (and change) cannot happen.
Then, notice if there are any patterns coming clear to you.
This acceptance also allows you to start changing your patterns of action, as you notice them, too.
Many of us are in a liminal space - or will be soon.
My husband has three colleagues retiring this next week.
Other friends just had a baby.
Other friends are getting married soon.
Does it ever end?
Some of us feel like we have been in that in-between space for a long time. That discomfort is real and very understandable.
It is not easy.
It is uncomfortable to be in a liminal space but can be a catalyst for positive change if we choose to embrace the discomfort.
Make rook for positive change.
Your liminal space may bring about some positive change in how we see things and how we respond.
Change is like that liminal space: difficult, uncomfortable, and often necessary, even though it is usually “forced” upon us.
Take the opportunity this week to wrestle in your liminal spaces, if you have any.
Stay in that space, feel the emotions, accept them and the situation and then “portray” that space in your life, and then notice your reactions and your (negative and positive) patterns.
Finally, reflect on that process and see where you might want to change.
This process might be the beginning of something new. Something great.
And when you need help, call on me.
Patricia Jehle
