Swimming? Do what you can!
We all need this advice and I said it to a friend this morning: Do what you can!
I have a big new semester (120+ students) and covid is still running its course, so there is much to do and juggle (not to mention coaching and supervision clients and my “life”). This means a lot of stress and work (admin) for me, even without all the emails from naturally uncertain students. I am, admin-challenged as some you my readers know ;-)
At one point this past two weeks I considered all I had to do and almost panicked. But then I remembered a good saying for this instance (and one I tell others, including my clients):
Do what you can, and then turn your focus away from what you can’t. It helps with worry, which is not at all helpful.
This works for most instances, especially for work. You can also think about how to work when things seem stuck:
Business (or work) not going well?
Or maybe you have all your ducks in a row, but still something seems to be stopping you (I have a client at this point in life)?
Is something intangible slowing down your business or your personal career progress? Maybe you have inner some conflicts with yourself that need addressing so you can start moving forward again.
A while ago I read a wonderful book by negotiation expert Professor Dr. William Ury of Harvard Business School called Getting to Yes with Yourself and I found some treasures to help us out of those stuck places in business and in life. (I will be teaching from another famous book of theirs once again starting next week, BTW)
Here’s Ury’s 6-Step Model:
1. Put yourself in your own shoes
2. Develop your inner BATNA
3. Reframe your picture of the situation
4. Stay in the Zone
5. Respect them, even if…
6. Give and Receive
What this means, step-by-step:
· Put yourself in your own shoes means you need to understand your own feelings and needs before you can go anywhere near the business negotiation/ the other person you are dealing with. Ask yourself questions regarding your feelings and your deepest needs.
· Develop your inner BATNA refers to the famous Fisher/Ury negotiation concept Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement- what are you going to do if the deal doesn’t work out? In other words for yourself, take care of the deepest needs you have in this (and every) situation, no matter what happens. You are not a victim, take responsibility for your own needs.
· Reframe your picture is about how you see the world, and even the universe. See it as working for your and “the” good, and you will not live in the trap of scarcity. Remember, scarcity leads to decisions made out of fear, which is to be avoided. Take decisions from a place of trust and abundance instead.
· Stay in the Zone refers to being in the present, not focusing on the past or future. It means letting go of the past and its problems and freeing yourself from anxiety about the future. Staying in the zone allows you to succeed. Hanging on to past regrets and hurts or worrying about tomorrow are not going to help in any way, and in fact, they hinder you from moving forward. Avoid all those “should” statements. That show you are either judging yourself or someone else, instead ask yourself, “what is the smallest thing I (or someone else) can do now to make a change?”
· Respect them even if is about how we treat each person with the respect due every human being. I don’t have to approve of the persons actions or beliefs. I don’t need to like the person. I just need to make a decision to treat the person with respect. I also can try and understand the person by “walking in their shoes” and trying to see the issue from their experiences and background. This may be the biggest issue for you now with all the COVID restrictions, etc…
· Give and Receive means that the most successful business people are givers and not takers, and that is according to research (Wharton Business School).
When you understand this concept you are very likely to become unstuck and move forward in business, in negotiation, and in life. There are good questions I as a coach can ask you about each step in Ury’s model to help you along your way to success.
Remember, do what you can (and don’t focus – or stress - on what you can’t), and then to get to yes with yourself so you are more likely to move forward in business and in life.
Have a successful week! Do what you can and let the rest go for another day.
Patricia Jehle
PS - the photos are a glimpse of my last weeks…