Reflect on your habits and thoughts for happiness and well-being
As it gets darker and finally cooler in Switzerland it is good to review what I have learned about happiness and well-being. Here are some of the basic ideas:
· There are things that really make us happy, but most of us don’t’ think they are important.
· We focus on things we think will make us happy, but they don’t.
· We have some thinking fallacies to overcome to help us be happier.
· It’s a learning curve that takes some time.
So, let’s start with the fallacies and the things we focus on wrongly.
One fallacy is commonly called the G.I. Joe Fallacy- that if we know better, we are half-way there. Unfortunately, this is just not so. So is thinking that a well-paying job, money, nice stuff, “true love”, the healthy perfect body, and/or doing a perfect job will make us happy. Wrong! In the Yale Happiness Course this is called “miswanting” and is the act of being mistaken about what and how much you will like something in the future.
Among other things, we have a “hedonistic adaptation” programmed into us so we get used to that “really nice thing” we wanted oh so much, and then, guess what. We want more.
But fortunately, there are some very good things that universally make us all happy.
A healthy lifestyle: First, let’s not focus on the perfect body with perfect health- and instead talk about (and do) exercise, healthy food intake and enough sleep every night.
These healthy habits all help you feel happier, so much so, that they work better than any anti-depressant on the market. And they are really something for the long run.
Eat your balanced meals; get 7-9 hours of sleep (really!) every night, and exercise 20-40 minutes a day. Simple? Remember to focus on what you can do and what is good enough for now.
Besides taking care of your body, there are three (plus one) other things we can learn to do more: be grateful, savor the present moment (and be mindful), and have a positive hope for the future. (Those PPFs, again!)
The “plus one” is having a few close relationships. That’s it, you ask? YES!
PPFs reviewed:
So, being grateful (usually about the past or something present) is a key part of being happy. What three things are you grateful for today?
Name those things: a-b-c
Savoring the present moment or the experience- maybe the sky is an awesome blue at the moment, or that chocolate ice cream you are having is really delicious, or the music you are listening to is beautiful, so beautiful you want to cry.
Stop and enjoy it.
Pause and really consider the enjoyment. Then, you can add mindfulness and really lever it up a bit.
Finally, what do you hope for. What do you hope for in the near future and in the farther future?
Near- ? Far- ?
Having hopeful expectations for the future is also helpful in happiness.
For example, I am looking forward to a week away in Switzerland with my husband this week. This fills me with hope and positive expectations. Farther, I have a dance fund raiser to attend next month.
Relationships are key.
Finally, and perhaps, most importantly, a few good friends will keep you happier, and healthier- Kelly McGonigal says so in her famous TED Talk about how to make stress your friend. In fact, good relationships will help you live longer (and worrying about stress will most likely make your life shorter).
The hard news is that each of these points is usually something we must work on and make stronger in our lives.
You cannot do everything at once.
Choose something, just one thing to change. Even the instructor of the Yale Happiness Course says it’s hard to make changes and so I suggest these tips for change:
· Make a plan!
· Tell a friend for support!
· Fix your environment for positive success (eg: hide or even don’t buy the snickers bars and potatoes chips)
· Get a coach if you need one! (I now have room for one or two new clients as of the end of the month). If you want to talk more about happiness and how to fix your life for the better, just give me an email.
Have a happy and successful week!
Patricia Jehle patricia@jehle-coaching.com
