Change and Transition - and what is needed to move forward

Time for a change??? A LOT of friends, family, colleagues and clients are in transition.

Some are looking for a first job, others are changing careers, some are getting ready to transition into retirement, and so on.

"Transitions are almost always signs of growth, but they can bring feelings of loss. To get somewhere new, we may have to leave somewhere else behind." - Fred Rogers

An as expected there is a grief process going on in every transition.

Transitions = Grief Process

This school year is a time of transition for me. 

How about you?  Transition is always, as Fred Rogers said, a kind of loss.  I’m giving up some things and gaining other things.  There will be a grief process, I am sure of it. Maybe, like me, you are getting older and are changing the way you handle activities and responsibilities.

Expats, people who I often hang out with, experience loss through transition quite often.  The simplest kind is an example:  guests, family and friends, come and then go, sometimes multiple times a year.  Then. There is a grief process.  But there are more kinds of changes: job transitions, moving, saying goodbye to old - or newly made - friends.  Lots of times my expat friends must suddenly move away.  Sometimes we do not realize the goodbye has happened until after people are gone and we have to work backwards through our mourning process.

A matter of life, and death

Unfortunately, life happens to all of us, and that means death, as well.  For me, I have been faced with death a lot lately.  These situations are heavy transitions, full of grief; the mourning is much deeper, much longer.

Whatever the transition, whether small or heavy, we must work through the stages of grief so that we can really function well in life.  This means we much actually face the situation, the feelings of anger, disbelief, the deep sadness we might feel, so that we can begin to try and live again.  It’s won’t be a linear process, but a back and for of all those emotions.  Emotions are good; they are what make us human.  We shouldn’t be afraid to cry with our friends who are mourning.  In fact, it may encourage them, and even help them feel that we are a “small part” of their grief process.  When you have a transition, take your time and feel your feelings when you grieve a loss.

Lessons learned

The lesson for my friends as expats is that all of us have to work through our grief.  A lot of our anger that we experience may not really about the immediate situation but might be about the grief of Life-change:  moving away from home, losing identity (especially for trailing spouses), having to say goodbye to yet another friend. These are a few good examples of reasons to stop and grieve, stop and feel, stop and reflect. 

Then, of course, there is the transition that everyone experiences from time to time., such as job change, family constellation change, retirement, and so on.  All those need to be worked through, even smaller changes:  change from school to work, or even a job promotion, or a change of workspace.

Therefore, when you are surprised by your anger or sadness regarding a transition, stop and reflect.  Work through the emotion and discover the reason, so that you might be a more effective, not a reactive, person.  But remember that the transitions, as Mr. Rogers said, are also signs of growth, so be reassured.

It is often great to have someone to work through your transitions with you. A coach is one of the best people to do this as we are trained to ask the questions needed to keep you moving forward through grief and change.

So, when change  (of any kind) and transition happen, you can call on me.

Have a marvelous week!

Patricia Jehle                          patricia@jehle-coaching.com