Healing ourselves, healing others – Do no harm

We all know the saying: Hurt people HURT people.

But do you know that Healed people HEAL people? 

I was told this second phrase last week in a training evening, and I believe it to be true- healed people heal people.

Let’s unpack the two sayings.

Hurting People

Have you been hurt? We all have. 

Probably that person has hurt you because they themselves are hurt - and they may not even have noticed that they hurt you because they were focusing on protecting themselves.

Maybe the hurting is too much, though, and you need to move into a safer place. Then, for now, just do it. Please. 

On the other hand,

Have you hurt someone by your words, by your actions – or inactions? We all do. Think about the why behind the why (and get ready to ask for forgiveness):  

Were you frustrated? Were you actually afraid (anger often hides fear – fear of what)? Were you needing to “perform”? Were you in a hurry?  Were you afraid of being exposed as…? Were you thinking there wasn’t enough (time, energy, love, whatever) to go around so you kept it (all) to yourself?

When you examine the why you do something and you can realize what’s going on, you can move towards healing because you can see your needs and fulfill them in healthier ways, not by hurting other people.

AND you heal by asking forgiveness

Forgiveness for others (who have hurt or ignored you and your needs) and 

Forgiveness for yourself when you have blown it (and if we are honest, we all do)

AND when you are on the way to forgiveness and healing you can bring people along with you to a place of generous mercy

A place of grace

A place where we all can grow and be our best selves, be learning people, be healed people

Healed people Heal people

So, what are you going to do? Join the grumpies and the people who yell, troll, and/or write nasty emails and even publicly “expose” people? 

Are you going to be people who say, “I am going to hide in my hole till the mess is over”? It’s never over.

Or

Are we going to help people by looking for the best in others and to accept our personal responsibility for our hurtful ways, asking forgiveness and then moving on to better ways?

We can only change ourselves and our attitudes.

Let us love others and be positive about those around us, even when it is really hard.

Do we see the negatives? Or see the positives?

When we focus on everything negatively, we will only see the negatives and the positives all go into the background.

Our brain gets trained to see the negatives. This is a dark place.

When we are grateful, forgiving and giving others “the benefit of the doubt” our brain is trained to look for the positives 

and we will see the positives more quickly and clearly.

It’s healthy a choice we all can make ­– and I encourage you to choose to think of others and their actions not in the negative 

AND I encourage us all to look for the positives in others and in our own lives so we can become those who are healed and who can help heal others.

For those of you feeling in danger (it’s been in the media once again), though, find a safe place – and get some help – and healing.

Have a good week as we move into October!

Patricia Jehle                           patricia@jehle-coaching.com