February Check-in with some help with making and prioritizing decisions
Reflection Check-up for late winter, including decision-making
It is almost February and perhaps you and I should take some time for a reflective check-up. It is important to regularly reflect upon our goals and check our progress to make changes and keep on your chosen course.
First you must ask yourself questions.
Ask yourself
Questions and reflection can help you be better at work- and at home. They help you remember what is important for you.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
· What are my goals (yearly and quarterly) and where am I at regarding them right now? What changes need to be made to reach those goals, or do I need to re-work the goals?
· How am I doing with my work and personal relationships? Where do I need to change here?
· How am I doing with boundaries? Do I have enough time and energy to get my work done and have healthy relationships?
· What am I doing daily for me, for my health and well-being?
· How has my attitude been lately? Do I need an adjustment in attitude? How can that be best achieved?
Let’s look at a few of these topics for the next part of this blog, namely boundaries and “me time”.
Boundaries- at work and with others:
At work:
· Make sure you are able to work in an environment where your values are honored.
· Make sure you and all people at work are valued and respected.
· Make sure you know your physical, mental and emotional limits.
· Make sure you are able to and (if possible) are expected to communicate your needs.
· Make sure your environment allows you to express boundary violations.
· Make sure you have a set of “what ifs and thens” for when boundary violations happen. Be prepared.
· Make sure the structure at work is clear for all.
· Write out your boundaries for that specific work place.
Personal life boundaries:
· Know and name your limits.
· Know your weaker areas and work on them to grow and gain confidence.
· Know and be able to visualize your goals.
· Be your own best counselor (if you cannot, get one).
· Trust your decisions to be right for you.
· Remind yourself that no means no.
· Expect to be respected.
· Expect to be honored and not “used”.
· Be able to be authentic and vulnerable at appropriate times.
· Make sure you have time for you. (more about this below).
You can add to either of these lists with what is best for you. But remember setting boundaries is way of setting up a barrier against “losing yourself”- to others or to the “system”. It keeps your identity intact.
Me time
Finally I have a list of activities you can do for personal “me time”. It doesn’t have to be done alone and in fact some of the items on the list are social, but remember even extroverts need time along, to recharge and think things through.
Activities
· Read what you want.
· Watch a TV show you have chosen yourself.
· Exercise, your choice.
· Take a walk (perhaps with your dog, if you have one).
· Meditate.
· Take a course that interests you.
· Work on your hobby, including making something.
Much more could be said about these issues. In fact, books have been written. But enough said here- just remember to reflect and ask yourself questions and that this time of year is a perfect time to do it. This comes, naturally, to decision-making.
Decisions, decisions
The value of coaching questions in decision-making cannot be underestimated.
• Where am I now? (Where have I been is not so necessary)
• What is my goal? Why do I want to do this? Is this fitting into my bigger goals and dream-plan? How does it fit into my (and God’s) big picture?
• Is the best idea? What other goals might be good?
• What would I enjoy doing about this right now? What is most important to me right now?
• What could I do when I get home/next week? (feasible) Will I become better at something??
• How do I reach the goal? What options do I have? Which ones are better (scale them/order them) Are there any more options? Is the best idea? What other goals might be good?
• What resources do I need? Anything else? (Where do I get those, who can help me?)
• What do I need to say “no” to reach this goal?
• How committed am I? (How much time/energy/money do I want to spend on this?)
• What is my first step - and then what and then what?
• What is the time frame for the step(s)?
• How will I know if I have reached my goal? How can I measure it?
• Is there a further goal I want to work on, once I have reached this one?
When making decisions, we need to be clear about the different environments we may be in. This is a way of standing back and understanding the wider context in which the decisions are being made. The four most important environments today are:
• social - the world of people in relationships;
• spiritual – can be the above (love others), but also personal and relations to God, the church, etc…The separation of this from above is because we are at TS.
• technical - the area of expertise involving manipulating 'things';
• systems - how people and things interact. Decision challenges can arise when
people use the wrong mode - thinking of people in organizations as things (technical), for example; there are many different options that can be used;
there are lots of stages and actions running in parallel with dependencies between them. How can you use this for yourself and your clients?
1) Decide in which environment(s) your decision/goal exists.
2) Ask yourself or your friend/partner the above coaching questions.
3) Draw a mind-map of the stages and routes involved in a decision you must make. The stages are the key experiences involved; the routes are the actions that take you from one to the other.
Decision-making can be difficult, but why? A few of the more common reasons are:
• Fear of upsetting or disappointing others (go back to the boundaries section)
• Feeling you “should” do something -- and you don't really want to
• It’s easier to let someone else make the decision for you. By making our own decisions, we have to accept the consequences
• Fear of making the “wrong” decision. “There’s no going back” mentality
• Physically tired, lacking the drive or motivation to do anything else
If you feel stuck by these or other paralyzing thoughts or feelings, the above steps (& questions) can help you find resolution more easily. Or, I can help you (first come, first served )
Be prepared to make sacrifices. You can’t do everything. Coaches and other helping professionals point out that every time you say “yes” to something, you’re saying “no” to something else. Evaluate your priorities. In every decision, something has to give. Consider what’s most important to you in this situation. Relationships? Career? Education? Finances?
Don’t be afraid to fail. If your decisions are controlled by fear, you will pass by some great opportunities and miss out on pursuing your dreams. And that’s no way to live. Face it: the worst case scenario is that you try something and things don’t work out. But unless you put yourself out there, you will never know. And failure? Failure is a part of life. It’s all a part of achieving your dreams.
Decisions can be terrifying…or exciting. It’s your call. Counselors and coaches point out that our decisions today will determine who we become tomorrow. So start thinking…start moving…and pursue what you’re passionate about.
Enjoy your week and be productive, content and healthy!
Patricia Jehle
