Look at your fears and move on to success
Are you afraid of doing something? Or of even trying to change one wee little thing for fear of the consequences?
Life is well, rather… stuck? Maybe because of the fear of the unknown or of the change that you know you have to make.
But it is hard.
Business not going well?
Or something else in your life? A relationship?
Maybe you have all your ducks in a row, but something seems to be stopping you from moving forward? Is there something intangible slowing down your business?
Maybe you have inner conflicts with yourself that need addressing so you can start moving forward again.
A while ago week I read a wonderful book by negotiation expert Professor Dr. William Ury of Harvard Business School called Getting to Yes with Yourself and I found some treasures to help us out of those stuck places in business and in life.
Here’s Ury’s 6-Step Model:
1. Put yourself in your shoes
2. Develop your inner BATNA
3. Reframe your picture
4. Stay in the Zone
5. Respect them, even if
6. Give and Receive
What this means, step-by-step:
· Put yourself in your own shoes means you need to understand your own feelings and needs before you can go anywhere near the business negotiation/ the other person you are dealing with. Ask yourself questions regarding your feelings and your deepest needs.
· Develop your inner BATNA refers to the famous Fisher/Ury negotiation concept Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement- what are you going to do if the deal doesn’t work out? In other words, for yourself, take care of the deepest needs you have in this (and every) situation, no matter what happens. You are not a victim, take responsibility for your own needs.
· Reframe your picture is about how you see the world, and even the universe. See it as working for your and “the” good, and you will not live in the trap of scarcity. Remember, scarcity leads to decisions made from fear, which is to be avoided. Take decisions from a place of trust and abundance instead.
· Stay in the Zone refers to being in the present, not focusing on the past or future. It means letting go of the past and its problems and freeing yourself from anxiety about the future. Staying in the zone allows you to succeed. Hanging on to past regrets and hurts or worrying about tomorrow are not going to help in any way, and in fact, they hinder you from moving forward. Avoid all those “should” statements. That show you are either judging yourself or someone else, instead ask yourself, “what is the smallest thing I (or someone else) can do now to make a change?”
· Respect them even if is about how we treat each person with the respect due every human being. I don’t have to approve of the persons actions or beliefs. I don’t need to like the person. I just need to decide to treat the person with respect. I also can try and understand the person by “walking in their shoes” and trying to see the issue from their experiences and background.
· Give and Receive means that the most successful businesspeople are givers and not takers, and that is according to research (Wharton Business School).
When you understand this concept, you are very likely to become unstuck and move forward in business, in negotiation, and in life. There are good questions I as a coach can ask you about each step in Ury’s model to help you along your way to success.
But there is another part: facing the fear and doing it anyway.
There is fear that helps us and there is fear that holds us back. Sometimes it takes someone outside of the situation to see what kind of fear is holding us back?
Do we love people and want to make (Keep) them happy? Then we may be afraid to disappoint them.
Are we afraid of the unknown, and these days the unknown has become rather dangerous? Our fear may be keeping us from doing something courageous and daring that might, in the end, be just the thing to get us out of your slump.
So, before you can say yes with yourself, check you fears and then move on to that yes.
Remember, to get to yes with yourself and you are more likely to move forward in business and in life.
Have a successful week!
Patricia Jehle
