How can I manage my emotions?
Do my emotions have to do with resilience?
The short answer is yes. For better resilience, we need to manage our emotions better.
First we have to notice and name our emotions. With that awareness you are already half way there to better resilience.
KEEP AN EMOTION “Log Book”
Read MoreA while ago I got together with coaching and supervision colleagues and I was reminded of one of my favorite (negotiation and decision) interventions: The H.I.T. list, where you have three questions:
· What is your Have-to-have?
· What do your Intend (or would like) to have? And
· What can (or must) you Trade ( or give up) to get your Have-to-have (for sure) and possibly your Intend to have?
When you think about this, then you can decide what is not on these lists, and discard - or delegate.
Read MoreFor a better mindset – shift your focus and shift the viewpoint. This will cause you to be more resilient.
Shift: what I see and how I see it.
Doing the hard thingis
Read MoreSafe travels, colleagues!
I am thinking a lot about (mostly business) traveling as I will be on trains and in hotel rooms off and on for the next weeks. I will be travelling to the middle of Switzerland soon – where the lakes and mountains meet. Even if it is “business”, I look forward to seeing my colleagues and to the meetings meals together. Later next month I look forward to some EASC Board meetings and to seeing my colleagues in person once again.
What about security for myself, especially as a woman alone a lot of the time? What can I do?
Read MoreWe really have a lot more control of our minds than we think. I have been reading a book called “Learned Hopefulness” (2020) by Dan Tomasulo and being reminded of what is important to create resilience, and even better hopefulness for the future. “Positive images of the future carry us forward to our destiny.”
Negativity is learned (and can become our default mode). When we only focus on a fixed-pie kind of world (I get 20%, so there is 80% left for the rest), we cannot really grow and move forward.
Read MoreAttitude is (almost) everything. And, of course our thoughts and attitude are quite intertwined.
Are you a quitter? I bet you aren’t! But negative assumptions and attitudes can creep into your working life quite easily because negativity is catchy!
So, have you been thinking any of the following lately:
· I’m too stressed. Stress is getting me down.
· There is no way to move forward.
· I can’t get any new clients, let alone keep the old ones.
· My products are so-so…
Read MoreYou can’t slow down, maybe.
You are always working.
When are you moving towards burnout and how can you get help?
Set work boundaries but try to find (more) meaning at work, especially the hours and days. Take days off. Take holidays.
Meet with friends and family (that give you energy).
Read MoreThere is a lot that can be done for stress and burnout.
One thing stands ahead of many others, though.
When you feel stressed or are heading for burnout fast, go find a friend or two and talk about it.
What does this do? It created oxytocin.
Read MoreOne of the big parts of stress is something that you can control: how resilient are you?
Start with your relationships, for one!
Research has shown that mutually supportive relationships are key to stress reduction and resilience.
What does a good relationship look like? How do I develop and grow in my relationships?
Read Morehow do I know what I can change in a stressful situation - what I have to deal with - and live through?
Let’s begin with some things you can do, even when the stress is not ongoing.
First, when you see that the programme is too full or is getting too full for your liking, try to, if you possibly can, put in time buffers. Do it ahead of time. Say you see that the next few weeks are full of ”heavy duty” activity, then do not plan something in the evenings, if possible – even if it is a fun activity and plan only fun activities (and one per day) at the weekend. This will help keep your brain and body from being on overdrive.
Learn to say no and feel good about it.
I am very serious about that.
Read MoreLong Term (or ongoing) Stress is the most difficult for us to have as it affects our bodies and minds (& spirits) more.
I have a few clients with long term stress and they are suffering.
Here are some symptoms:
· You are always tired and rather forgetful
· You are irritable and maybe self-medicate to stay afloat
· You have physical symptoms such as headaches, body aches, stiff muscles (especially in the neck, shoulders and jaw), stomach and other digestive problems, and sexual dysfunction
Read MoreSo, what is there to do when under stress:
· Manage Stress like it’s like diabetes (Type 2)- eat and exercise in a healthy manner.
· Get enough rest and relaxation and have good sleep hygiene.
· Talk about it and enjoy your relationships with friends and family.
· See stress in a positive way (reframe it).
· Pause before acting and reflect!
Read MoreThat in-between time
It’s hard
Liminal Space is what it is often called
“The word "liminal" comes from the Latin word “limen,” which means threshold. To be in a liminal space means to be on the precipice of something new but not quite there yet. You can be in a liminal space physically, emotionally, or metaphorically. Being in a liminal space can be incredibly uncomfortable for most people.“ – Verywellmind
There are physical liminal spaces: waiting rooms at the doctor’s office, airport terminals, airplanes in flight, hallways, bridges, in the car driving somewhere, and doorways…
Read MoreThere are many ways to prevent burnout and to increase resilience. Increasing resilience.
Usually it starts with a wee “no”.
Maybe you even still must “do it”, but hopefully your boss or co-worker has finally heard that you actually do not want to do something. Maybe they will think a second time before just assuming you will do that thing.
Read MoreChecking off that to-do list fast enough?
I am chugging through my list, but must remember the BIGGER things, too.
Like making time for work (and personal) reflection.
Like preparing for a talk on connection, communication (and, of course, conflict)
Like writing (and reading)
Like preparing next year’s school lectures
How do you plan on getting things done?
Do you make time for reflection – at the end of the day, at the end/beginning of the week, at the end of the month and year?
But in the end, keeping one word in my “view” at all times, really helps me get things done - maybe it will help you, too!
Read MoreDo you want to change someone’s mind?
I am thinking about just that…
What do they want is important
BUT why they want it is more important.
Not only do you need to know your own whys, but finding out their whys is very likely a key to success
Read More…“tough-minded optimism” – is a blend of creativity in ideas, strong convictions about what works and about doing things for the “common good”, and resilience, especially when it comes to the need for change. To quote, “The future is not shaped by people who don’t really believe in the future,”…
Read MoreIt is what it is … or is it?
What can we control?
What can we influence?
What is out of our control?
What we can control (usually) is my response to what I can influence and what I cannot control.
Read MoreWhat are you reading?
Two books I read for my upcoming talk on Stronger Network THIS WEEK: (https://www.strongernetwork.com/strongerconference ) are Lost and Founder by Rand Fishkin and Rework by Freid and Hansson.
I am reading a few books on connection and human relationships for a talk later on in 2023, too: Belonging by Geoffrey Cohen, Connections (again) by Larry Crabb, and The Love Prescription by John and Julie Gottman. There may be other books I read, if I have time.
In 2022 I read The Extended Mind by Annie Paul and I am still reading Radical Leadership by Sprenger (with a client)
Read MoreWe have talked about the seven deadly sins, and their “opposites”, the seven virtues and now I want to tie in EQ – Emotional Intelligence.
But what is Emotional Intelligence? It is composed of four areas:
1. Self-awareness (know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses- this could be the virtue of humility)
2. Self-management (this would include the virtues of diligence, temperance, and chastity)
3. Social awareness (this would include the virtues of charity/good works and kindness)
4. Relationship management (this would be the virtue of patience but also include the virtues of charity/good works and kindness)
Read More
