How do I act on what I know?

How can I do what I teach and “preach”? As a coach and supervisor and as an educator with a Master’s in teaching, I “know” a lot. But do I practice what I know and how do I do it? What about you? Is there a disconnect between what you do and what you know (you should do)?

Last week at my Inter-Vision group discussed this topic, and we reminded ourselves that maturity is a life-long process. Hopefully, we are all better than yesterday and tomorrow we will be better still. We know a lot but practicing it is not always easy.

Let’s start with emotional regulation and integrity.

Summer Success

Summer is a lovely time of great weather, outdoor and water sports, vacations, music festivals, barbeques, weddings, soirées and general fun. But one can get distracted in the middle of the fun and forget our business – and life goals. We need an easy way to keep on track when we are trying to focus.

Resilience and emotions

How can I manage my emotions?

Do my emotions have to do with resilience?

The short answer is yes. For better resilience, we need to manage our emotions better.

First we have to notice and name our emotions. With that awareness you are already half way there to better resilience.

KEEP AN EMOTION “Log Book”

Lower stress with the H.I.T. List method

A while ago I got together with coaching and supervision colleagues and I was reminded of one of my favorite (negotiation and decision) interventions: The H.I.T. list, where you have three questions:

· What is your Have-to-have?

· What do your Intend (or would like) to have? And

· What can (or must) you Trade ( or give up) to get your Have-to-have (for sure) and possibly your Intend to have?

When you think about this, then you can decide what is not on these lists, and discard - or delegate.

Reframe (shift) your thinking for resilience

For a better mindset – shift your focus and shift the viewpoint. This will cause you to be more resilient.

Shift: what I see and how I see it.

Doing the hard thingis

Attitude and Assumption Check-up

Attitude is (almost) everything. And, of course our thoughts and attitude are quite intertwined.

Are you a quitter? I bet you aren’t! But negative assumptions and attitudes can creep into your working life quite easily because negativity is catchy!

So, have you been thinking any of the following lately:

· I’m too stressed. Stress is getting me down.

· There is no way to move forward.

· I can’t get any new clients, let alone keep the old ones.

· My products are so-so…

Keep from burning out (how to)

You can’t slow down, maybe.

You are always working.

When are you moving towards burnout and how can you get help?

Set work boundaries but try to find (more) meaning at work, especially the hours and days. Take days off. Take holidays.

Meet with friends and family (that give you energy).

Relationships and hormones (and stress reduction)

There is a lot that can be done for stress and burnout.

One thing stands ahead of many others, though.

When you feel stressed or are heading for burnout fast, go find a friend or two and talk about it.

What does this do? It created oxytocin.

Relationships Build Resilience

One of the big parts of stress is something that you can control: how resilient are you?

Start with your relationships, for one!

Research has shown that mutually supportive relationships are key to stress reduction and resilience.

What does a good relationship look like? How do I develop and grow in my relationships?

What kind(s) of stress do you have? What can you do?

Long Term (or ongoing) Stress is the most difficult for us to have as it affects our bodies and minds (& spirits) more.

I have a few clients with long term stress and they are suffering.

Here are some symptoms:

· You are always tired and rather forgetful

· You are irritable and maybe self-medicate to stay afloat

· You have physical symptoms such as headaches, body aches, stiff muscles (especially in the neck, shoulders and jaw), stomach and other digestive problems, and sexual dysfunction

Stress is often what you do with it: good or bad responses

So, what is there to do when under stress:

· Manage Stress like it’s like diabetes (Type 2)- eat and exercise in a healthy manner.

· Get enough rest and relaxation and have good sleep hygiene.

· Talk about it and enjoy your relationships with friends and family.

· See stress in a positive way (reframe it).

· Pause before acting and reflect!

That in-between (liminal) space

That in-between time

It’s hard

Liminal Space is what it is often called

“The word "liminal" comes from the Latin word “limen,” which means threshold. To be in a liminal space means to be on the precipice of something new but not quite there yet. You can be in a liminal space physically, emotionally, or metaphorically. Being in a liminal space can be incredibly uncomfortable for most people.“ – Verywellmind

There are physical liminal spaces: waiting rooms at the doctor’s office, airport terminals, airplanes in flight, hallways, bridges, in the car driving somewhere, and doorways…

You need oxygen to survive and thrive

There are many ways to prevent burnout and to increase resilience. Increasing resilience.

Usually it starts with a wee “no”.

Maybe you even still must “do it”, but hopefully your boss or co-worker has finally heard that you actually do not want to do something. Maybe they will think a second time before just assuming you will do that thing.

Get you to-do list done - with a question word

Checking off that to-do list fast enough?

I am chugging through my list, but must remember the BIGGER things, too.

Like making time for work (and personal) reflection.

Like preparing for a talk on connection, communication (and, of course, conflict)

Like writing (and reading)

Like preparing next year’s school lectures

How do you plan on getting things done?

Do you make time for reflection – at the end of the day, at the end/beginning of the week, at the end of the month and year?

But in the end, keeping one word in my “view” at all times, really helps me get things done - maybe it will help you, too!

Mind changing

Do you want to change someone’s mind?

I am thinking about just that…

What do they want is important

BUT why they want it is more important.

Not only do you need to know your own whys, but finding out their whys is very likely a key to success

Be a winner and be positive - especially with regards to others

…“tough-minded optimism” – is a blend of creativity in ideas, strong convictions about what works and about doing things for the “common good”, and resilience, especially when it comes to the need for change. To quote, “The future is not shaped by people who don’t really believe in the future,”…

Do what you can - and a Happy Lunar New Year°!

It is what it is … or is it?

What can we control?

What can we influence?

What is out of our control?

What we can control (usually) is my response to what I can influence and what I cannot control.

Happy New Year! What are you reading? This is what I am reading:

What are you reading?

Two books I read for my upcoming talk on Stronger Network THIS WEEK: (https://www.strongernetwork.com/strongerconference ) are Lost and Founder by Rand Fishkin and Rework by Freid and Hansson.

I am reading a few books on connection and human relationships for a talk later on in 2023, too: Belonging by Geoffrey Cohen, Connections (again) by Larry Crabb, and The Love Prescription by John and Julie Gottman. There may be other books I read, if I have time.

In 2022 I read The Extended Mind by Annie Paul and I am still reading Radical Leadership by Sprenger (with a client)

What has emotional intelligence got to do with virtues?

We have talked about the seven deadly sins, and their “opposites”, the seven virtues and now I want to tie in EQ – Emotional Intelligence.

But what is Emotional Intelligence? It is composed of four areas:

1. Self-awareness (know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses- this could be the virtue of humility)

2. Self-management (this would include the virtues of diligence, temperance, and chastity)

3. Social awareness (this would include the virtues of charity/good works and kindness)

4. Relationship management (this would be the virtue of patience but also include the virtues of charity/good works and kindness)

Seven Virtues for modern society

Last time I talked about the seven deadly sins and how they are pernicious in our present culture. Now I want to talk about the opposites and how to cultivate them in our lives and promote them in society. First, here are the deadly sins once more:

Sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, envy, wrath, and pride.

The virtues to cultivate are:

chastity, temperance, charity (or good works/love in action), diligence, kindness, patience, and humility.

Business Coaching, Coaching, Goals, Growth, Plans, Reflection, Success, SupervisionPatricia JehleDecember 13, 2022Jehle Coachingvirtues, vices, sins, EQ, Emotional Intelligence, ethicsComment

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