It is what it is … or is it?
What can we control?
What can we influence?
What is out of our control?
What we can control (usually) is my response to what I can influence and what I cannot control.
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I have been thinking a lot about stress and trauma. Part of that has to do with two books I have been reading: The Mindful Body by Ellen Langer and The Myth of Normal by Gabor and Daniel Maté , who our EASC Vice President recommended recently - both books address these and some other issues. The other reason I have been thinking about trauma is that the EASC had an “It’s EASC Time” led by Daniela Finkelstein about this topic on November 15th.
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I have been thinking a lot about stress and trauma. Part of that has to do with two books I have been reading and other reason is that my coaching organization, EASC, had an online meeting about this topic last week at our monthly online meeting.
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Recently my thoughts have been inundated with elephants- on the internet there is a cute baby elephant chasing birds, for example and my daughter loves it. The metaphors using elephants are also in my face these days, namely eating elephants and elephants in “living rooms”.
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That is what supervision is for. I will address a supervisor and my intervision* group with this, and soon. If you, as a coach or supervisor do not have such reflection outlets, I highly recommend you find some soon! It is important for professionals in the helping business to have a reflective practice.
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The Sky is the limit!
Here’s a little thinking exercise to keep that positive emotion going more:
· First, think about how you are feeling- start with the joy or hope
· Then think about where you feel the feeling in your body.
· How does that feeling feel in your body?
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Keep on going! You and your startup matters!
Startups are hard, but worth it!
I can tell you from my own experience, so here are some ideas to keep your startup business sustainable.
Who are YOUR people? What is YOUR business? Where is the MONEY going to come from? Who is on YOUR team? What will sustain YOUR ups and downs? Consider getting a coach.
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Besides taking care of your body, there are three (plus one) other things we can learn to do more: be grateful, savor the present moment (and be mindful), and have a positive hope for the future. (Those PPFs, again!)
The “plus one” is having a few close relationships.
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I have had several things on the burner, and not much on the back burner, so it has been a juggling process since the beginning of September and it will continue this month, but November looks free-er and I will have time for new clients and different projects.
First, there was theEASCannual general meeting and then the online congressshortly afterwards. I, of course, participated in both as a board member and I alsogave a workshopon resilience, burnout and sustainable work
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A friend asked me for recommendations on Mentoring books las Saturday. I went to my library and pulled out two books I have read… but now I want to focus on recent books I have read for recommendations.
Reading books brings me joy, especially during holidays where I sit and read and read and...
I have read or finished quite a few books this past holiday time in Tenerife and Minnesota(and I am still reading, but at a slower pace), and I want to share some highlights in case you need or wish for something new to read.
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Do what you can, and then turn your focus away from what you can’t. It helps with worry, which is not at all helpful.
This works for most instances, especially for work. You can also think about how to work when things seem stuck…
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Returning to work from a longer break can be emotionally and even physically difficult, especially if you have really had a mental “break” from your every-day schedule for longer than two weeks.
Returning to work after a longer break can also be something work related, but not every-day such as being on a work training or retreat besides holidays, family time or just R&R in the garden.
Returning to the regular pace of work can feel like you are a deep-sea diver coming to the surface again, facing a foreign world from where you have recently been.
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Last night I heard a great sermon on “creators, choosers and consumers” and how at any given time of our life we can be one of these types of people. It was thought provoking!
This sermon led me to think about Covey’s “Circle of Control Model” and perfectionism.
Covey says we should focus on what we can do and what we can influence. That concept really helps with perfectionism. Read on for more thoughts on how to stop perfectionism:
I once went to a meeting where some local women professionals discussed perfectionism and how it affects our lives at work and at home.
Some of us were affected at work, others at home, some both. Some of us also had perfectionist partners and we talked about how that hurt our relationships and our family life. It was a great evening of sharing, mostly because we didn’t stop at the negative, but looked for solutions.
Here were some of the solutions we came up with:
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Got time for holidays? Or has work got all your time? Take a break off from work before work breaks you!
Skipping your 2023 vacation because you have too much to do?
I once read an article about how someone was guilted by her boss into not taking her vacation time. In the end the stress from work took its toll and, no, people didn’t get burned-out. The company went under. No joke.
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How are you moving forward this and next week?
And for your summer, especially summer break?
This is, most likely, your last push before the holiday slump/rest and then it’s the summer break.
So, how do you decide what is most important, next important, etc.
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Reflection Check-up for midsummer, including decision-making.
It is after midsummer and perhaps you and I should take some time for a reflective check-up. It is important to regularly reflect upon our goals and check our progress to make changes and keep on your chosen course.
First you must ask yourself questions.
Ask yourself
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I recently read The Ethical Coaches’ Handbook and it has given me some thoughts and some activities to do, such as organizing a “will” for my practice. It is full of ideas and helpful hints for me as a coach and supervisor.
I highly recommend this book for coaches and supervisors - as not only something to borrow and read quickly, but to have on one’s office bookshelf, not to gather dust, but to use and return to and to help us “helpers” ponder what is ethical, what is in the gray zone, and what is a no-go for coaches.
This makes me think about some of my own no-go’s as a certified coach and supervisor.
One big one is “taking advantage” of a client. This has a few aspects to it.
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How can I do what I teach and “preach”? As a coach and supervisor and as an educator with a Master’s in teaching, I “know” a lot. But do I practice what I know and how do I do it? What about you? Is there a disconnect between what you do and what you know (you should do)?
Last week at my Inter-Vision group discussed this topic, and we reminded ourselves that maturity is a life-long process. Hopefully, we are all better than yesterday and tomorrow we will be better still. We know a lot but practicing it is not always easy.
Let’s start with emotional regulation and integrity.
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Summer is a lovely time of great weather, outdoor and water sports, vacations, music festivals, barbeques, weddings, soirées and general fun. But one can get distracted in the middle of the fun and forget our business – and life goals. We need an easy way to keep on track when we are trying to focus.
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How can I manage my emotions?
Do my emotions have to do with resilience?
The short answer is yes. For better resilience, we need to manage our emotions better.
First we have to notice and name our emotions. With that awareness you are already half way there to better resilience.
KEEP AN EMOTION “Log Book”
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