Tips to Overcome Our Perfectionism This Summer

Last night I heard a great sermon on “creators, choosers and consumers” and how at any given time of our life we can be one of these types of people. It was thought provoking!

This sermon led me to think about Covey’s “Circle of Control Model” and perfectionism.

Covey says we should focus on what we can do and what we can influence. That concept really helps with perfectionism. Read on for more thoughts on how to stop perfectionism:

I once went to a meeting where some local women professionals discussed perfectionism and how it affects our lives at work and at home.

Some of us were affected at work, others at home, some both. Some of us also had perfectionist partners and we talked about how that hurt our relationships and our family life. It was a great evening of sharing, mostly because we didn’t stop at the negative, but looked for solutions.

Here were some of the solutions we came up with:

Midsummer reflection and decision-making

Reflection Check-up for midsummer, including decision-making.

It is after midsummer and perhaps you and I should take some time for a reflective check-up. It is important to regularly reflect upon our goals and check our progress to make changes and keep on your chosen course.

First you must ask yourself questions.

Ask yourself

How do I act on what I know?

How can I do what I teach and “preach”? As a coach and supervisor and as an educator with a Master’s in teaching, I “know” a lot. But do I practice what I know and how do I do it? What about you? Is there a disconnect between what you do and what you know (you should do)?

Last week at my Inter-Vision group discussed this topic, and we reminded ourselves that maturity is a life-long process. Hopefully, we are all better than yesterday and tomorrow we will be better still. We know a lot but practicing it is not always easy.

Let’s start with emotional regulation and integrity.

Summer Success

Summer is a lovely time of great weather, outdoor and water sports, vacations, music festivals, barbeques, weddings, soirées and general fun. But one can get distracted in the middle of the fun and forget our business – and life goals. We need an easy way to keep on track when we are trying to focus.

Lower stress with the H.I.T. List method

A while ago I got together with coaching and supervision colleagues and I was reminded of one of my favorite (negotiation and decision) interventions: The H.I.T. list, where you have three questions:

· What is your Have-to-have?

· What do your Intend (or would like) to have? And

· What can (or must) you Trade ( or give up) to get your Have-to-have (for sure) and possibly your Intend to have?

When you think about this, then you can decide what is not on these lists, and discard - or delegate.

Attitude and Assumption Check-up

Attitude is (almost) everything. And, of course our thoughts and attitude are quite intertwined.

Are you a quitter? I bet you aren’t! But negative assumptions and attitudes can creep into your working life quite easily because negativity is catchy!

So, have you been thinking any of the following lately:

· I’m too stressed. Stress is getting me down.

· There is no way to move forward.

· I can’t get any new clients, let alone keep the old ones.

· My products are so-so…

Keep from burning out (how to)

You can’t slow down, maybe.

You are always working.

When are you moving towards burnout and how can you get help?

Set work boundaries but try to find (more) meaning at work, especially the hours and days. Take days off. Take holidays.

Meet with friends and family (that give you energy).

Relationships and hormones (and stress reduction)

There is a lot that can be done for stress and burnout.

One thing stands ahead of many others, though.

When you feel stressed or are heading for burnout fast, go find a friend or two and talk about it.

What does this do? It created oxytocin.

What can you Do when you are stressed for a LONG time?

how do I know what I can change in a stressful situation - what I have to deal with - and live through?

Let’s begin with some things you can do, even when the stress is not ongoing.

First, when you see that the programme is too full or is getting too full for your liking, try to, if you possibly can, put in time buffers. Do it ahead of time. Say you see that the next few weeks are full of ”heavy duty” activity, then do not plan something in the evenings, if possible – even if it is a fun activity and plan only fun activities (and one per day) at the weekend. This will help keep your brain and body from being on overdrive.

Learn to say no and feel good about it.

I am very serious about that.

What kind(s) of stress do you have? What can you do?

Long Term (or ongoing) Stress is the most difficult for us to have as it affects our bodies and minds (& spirits) more.

I have a few clients with long term stress and they are suffering.

Here are some symptoms:

· You are always tired and rather forgetful

· You are irritable and maybe self-medicate to stay afloat

· You have physical symptoms such as headaches, body aches, stiff muscles (especially in the neck, shoulders and jaw), stomach and other digestive problems, and sexual dysfunction

That in-between (liminal) space

That in-between time

It’s hard

Liminal Space is what it is often called

“The word "liminal" comes from the Latin word “limen,” which means threshold. To be in a liminal space means to be on the precipice of something new but not quite there yet. You can be in a liminal space physically, emotionally, or metaphorically. Being in a liminal space can be incredibly uncomfortable for most people.“ – Verywellmind

There are physical liminal spaces: waiting rooms at the doctor’s office, airport terminals, airplanes in flight, hallways, bridges, in the car driving somewhere, and doorways…

You need oxygen to survive and thrive

There are many ways to prevent burnout and to increase resilience. Increasing resilience.

Usually it starts with a wee “no”.

Maybe you even still must “do it”, but hopefully your boss or co-worker has finally heard that you actually do not want to do something. Maybe they will think a second time before just assuming you will do that thing.

Get you to-do list done - with a question word

Checking off that to-do list fast enough?

I am chugging through my list, but must remember the BIGGER things, too.

Like making time for work (and personal) reflection.

Like preparing for a talk on connection, communication (and, of course, conflict)

Like writing (and reading)

Like preparing next year’s school lectures

How do you plan on getting things done?

Do you make time for reflection – at the end of the day, at the end/beginning of the week, at the end of the month and year?

But in the end, keeping one word in my “view” at all times, really helps me get things done - maybe it will help you, too!

Mind changing

Do you want to change someone’s mind?

I am thinking about just that…

What do they want is important

BUT why they want it is more important.

Not only do you need to know your own whys, but finding out their whys is very likely a key to success

Be a winner and be positive - especially with regards to others

…“tough-minded optimism” – is a blend of creativity in ideas, strong convictions about what works and about doing things for the “common good”, and resilience, especially when it comes to the need for change. To quote, “The future is not shaped by people who don’t really believe in the future,”…

Do what you can - and a Happy Lunar New Year°!

It is what it is … or is it?

What can we control?

What can we influence?

What is out of our control?

What we can control (usually) is my response to what I can influence and what I cannot control.

Happy New Year! What are you reading? This is what I am reading:

What are you reading?

Two books I read for my upcoming talk on Stronger Network THIS WEEK: (https://www.strongernetwork.com/strongerconference ) are Lost and Founder by Rand Fishkin and Rework by Freid and Hansson.

I am reading a few books on connection and human relationships for a talk later on in 2023, too: Belonging by Geoffrey Cohen, Connections (again) by Larry Crabb, and The Love Prescription by John and Julie Gottman. There may be other books I read, if I have time.

In 2022 I read The Extended Mind by Annie Paul and I am still reading Radical Leadership by Sprenger (with a client)

What has emotional intelligence got to do with virtues?

We have talked about the seven deadly sins, and their “opposites”, the seven virtues and now I want to tie in EQ – Emotional Intelligence.

But what is Emotional Intelligence? It is composed of four areas:

1. Self-awareness (know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses- this could be the virtue of humility)

2. Self-management (this would include the virtues of diligence, temperance, and chastity)

3. Social awareness (this would include the virtues of charity/good works and kindness)

4. Relationship management (this would be the virtue of patience but also include the virtues of charity/good works and kindness)

Seven Virtues for modern society

Last time I talked about the seven deadly sins and how they are pernicious in our present culture. Now I want to talk about the opposites and how to cultivate them in our lives and promote them in society. First, here are the deadly sins once more:

Sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, envy, wrath, and pride.

The virtues to cultivate are:

chastity, temperance, charity (or good works/love in action), diligence, kindness, patience, and humility.

Business Coaching, Coaching, Goals, Growth, Plans, Reflection, Success, SupervisionPatricia JehleDecember 13, 2022Jehle Coachingvirtues, vices, sins, EQ, Emotional Intelligence, ethicsComment

All the best for the holidays – and a surprise REFLECTION exercise at the end

Here’s my annual blog with the traditional addendum of a time of personal reflection for you at the end. I hope your year has been as full and profitable as mine!

Here are some of my recent activities:

· General business coaching and career coaching (including transitions)

· Start-up coaching

· Leadership Supervision

· General Supervision mostly in my “intervision” groups (yes, I attend two, now)

· Burnout and Resilience Coaching and Supervision

· Executive and management coaching, specifically for owners and leaders of SMEs ….

Jehle Coaching Blog - What I’m thinking and doing (what’s new)…

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